Some of my children have been home for Christmas festivities and rest.   The last child left yesterday to go back to St Andrew’s university via the French Alps.  He must be influenced by princes.  Prince Willliam went to St Andrews and skied in the Alps.

When my children lived at home, chores were delegated to each child.  Someone was in charge of the dishwasher, to load it and unload it.  Now Brendan and I are on our own I ask him to help in the kitchen.  I started to unload the cups from the dishwasher yesterday morning.  I noticed thy felt gritty.  They were not properly washed!  I asked Brendan if he would have a look to see why the dishwasher was not functionally properly.

“Is there dishwasher salt?”
“No I don’t have any.”
“There’s bound to be some about.”
I didn’t answer, wondering where am I to find it among all the stuff we still have to sort after our recent house move.

I left Brendan to work away cleaning up the dishwasher.  He removed two arms that spray hot water over the dishes.  The holes in them were blocked, so were not working efficiently.  Brendan removed certain debris, rice, string, glass, a piece of plastic, and other food particles.

He put the parts together again and completed the task.  It took longer than I thought.

When I involve Brendan in the work he does a thorough job.

A husband and father has many skills we as wives and mothers don’t often draw upon.  Very often I do the job myself to save hastle, or my pride says I can do it better.
If the husband brings home the money to provide for the family, he and we may think he has done his job.

How come the children will listen to their father and not the mother?   How come we hide what the children are up to from their father in case dad will be too harsh with them?  A child will respect his father when he is disciplined and it brings peace to the mother.

How come men don’t worry too much?   A man has grace to look after his wife and children.  If I don’t ask for his help he does not get an opportunity to use the grace God has given him.  

How come God made man to have strong, broad shoulders?  It is to carry the responsibilities we as women were never intended to carry?

How come men go off to the pub,  the football match, golf, or find another woman?  Perhaps they see us doing such a good job on our own, going out to work, looking after the children, shopping, cleaning and disciplining  that they feel they are not needed.  They were never asked so they find some other outlet to occupy their time.

Children will follow our example.  If a child sees his father taking a caring role in his family there is more likelihood he will do the same for his family.  If a child sees that the mother takes the caring role, as the father absents himself then that is the model he will follow.

As a wife and mother, cook and carer I busied myself over the years.  I worried, got anxious and prayed.  I often did not ask my husband for help.  Pride and independence prevented me from asking for help.   We grow up in society that tells us we are a failure if you can’t do things yourself.  Independence is offered to us.  You don’t need others. Earn enough money to buy independence and kill yourself in the process and one is left old, lonely and bitter.

I have learnt through my experience of life, through pain and failure that God’s pattern for marriage is the best.   He has the blueprint.  I have learnt to relinquish control.

What do you want, women, for your husbands and children?   Relax, don’t do all the work, ask the husband to help and take his rightful role in the family.  Respect his position that God has given him.  Let him lead.  Let him look after you.  Ultimately God will hold him responsible for how he looked after his family.