What is life about.” “Is my life worth living?” “Who am I in the midst of millions of people on the earth?” I asked myself these questions.
When I had two children I began to think more seriously about how I would guide them in life. Children are not just for Christmas. They are for life.
The family unit is the environment a child is born into. In that place, depending on the parents, the child can feel secure, loved and learn to trust. If the home is not a secure place, if the parents are not loving, then the child will not have a good start in live.
If he does not receive love along the way in his formative years, in the extended family, at school, from the community, then the child will not have a good experience in life. He will be disadvantaged in overcoming difficulties this world throws at him.
I decided I would have to make some sacrifices to think of my children before myself. I wanted them to grow up in a loving home. I knew I would have to make changes in my relationship with my husband.
Was there any help out there? I searched, asked questions, I was looking for truth. I looked at other people that were rearing their children. Did I want the way they lived? Were others successful? How did their children turn out?
My husband and I travelled with our two children to Findhorn, a community in the north of Scotland. Did they have the answer for community living? We wanted to find a community of people that demonstrated love.
At the time in Northern Ireland the Christian communities were at war. There was hatred in the atmosphere and we were all under that cloud.
We returned home. We knew Findhorn was not for us.
I was given a bible and I began to read it. Jesus claimed to be the way, the truth and the life. Now I was getting somewhere. I was looking for truth.
I read on. Jesus said God gave Moses the commandment to love one another, and to love your neighbour as yourself. Okay here I find someone talking about loving one another. But there was war in Northern Ireland. I was confused. I decided to find out more what Jesus said and take my eyes off man.
Jesus prayed “Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.” I thought I will have to look to God in Heaven. Life on earth revolves around God not me.
I began to follow Jesus’ guidance about prayer. I went into my room and prayed to God in Heaven. I learnt to forgive others anything they did against me. I had joy when God answered my prayers.
I read, “Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:40, 41 NIV)
The Garden Of Gethsemene where the disciples were found sleeping.
I decided to spend fifteen minutes praying and fifteen minutes reading the bible. Sometimes I may have prayed for an hour. It was a start. I decided to do what Jesus said “Abide in me.” I wanted to be fruitful for God.
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can do nothing. If my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”(John 15:5, 7, 8 NIV)
What a statement Jesus made! I can do nothing without him. I believed!
He began to change me. He brought new friends into my life. He gave me patience. My money went further. I was getting on with my husband. We did things together. The Truth began to teach me.
I grew in wisdom. God gave me wisdom. Wisdom has to do with becoming skilful in honouring others, loving, raising my children, handling money, morality, working, treating others kindly, not arguing, living in an attitude of peace and not war.
Heaven was coming on earth in my life. I had love, peace and joy. I was finding meaning to life on earth. I wanted to continue on this journey.
Why not go into your room and pray to the Father in heaven. He is listening and will answer.